One night I dreamed I was walking along a beach with the entire Hindu Pantheon. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed thousands of pairs of footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were 330,000 sets of footprints, other times there were 329,999 sets.
This really got my goat, because, you see, whenever I was having a rough patch in my life there were only 329,999 sets of footprints and when things were running smoothly, all 330,000 were there. Someone was ditching me!
So I halted the entire procession of the Hindu pantheon and hollered, “Okay, so which one of you suddenly got real busy elsewhere whenever my life went south?”
All the Hindu deities sort of looked at each other and some of them muttered, “Did you bring this guy? Who is he?”
Finally Lakshmi laughed and smacked her forehead (four times) and said, “Oh! I remember now! You’re the guy who kept falling down, so we had to strap you to the back of Ganesh.”
I thought about this a minute, then I said, “All right. Okay. Sorry to have lost my cool like that. But shouldn’t there have been 330,001 sets of footprints during the fat times?”
Ganesh replied, “Well, you know, I ride on a mouse.”
Somehow that didn’t track. I opened my mouth to object, but then I woke up. I went to the kitchen and had a bowl of Frosted Flakes.