NiceWork Aids and Abets Hollywood

No One Writes to the Kernel

In compliance with Dear Leader’s command for compulsory public service from each citizen (formerly known as “individuals”), NiceWork is volunteering to help out the beleaguered Movie Industry.

We’ve noticed the alarming dearth of good writing in recent Hollywood productions. To pick one example: in last summer’s blockbuster — or, adjusted for inflation, blockboinker — Batman, the Dark Knight, the dialogue seemed as though it had been taken at random from a hatful of unconnected sentences written on strips of paper. Ditto, Quantum of Whatever. Ditto… well, it was an epidemic of non-linear thinking. That may be all right for the professional film critics in the audience, but not all of us are blowing dope.

We think we know the reason for the addled screenplays: Hard-pressed WGA scriptwriters are so distracted by having to come up with taglines for movie posters that they have no time left for their real job: cliché massaging. And so, in order to free up writers to provide coherent scripts for better — more lucrative — films, NiceWork herewith offers twenty-five assorted, royalty-free

Readymade Movie Poster Taglines:

  1. Over YOUR Dead Body!
  2. It’s not cheating if you’re caught.
  3. The dolphins have had it… up to here!
  4. What Would [insert name of comic of the moment] Do?
  5. Sometimes love is legal…
  6. One way out: The Gate of HELL!
  7. He had no choice; She had no brain.
  8. Something is out there… and it’s texting…
  9. One continent stood in his path!
  10. The barracks just got warmer.
  11. Evil has three names.
  12. When all ya got is a dog.
  13. HER ranch, HER way.
  14. The sound you hear is HOPE.
  15. Before they wore tights.
  16. This time it’s Muppet Style!
  17. Dreams see no borders.
  18. Forty-five caliber RSVP.
  19. Two hearts. Two fists. One chance.
  20. How far will you swim for love?
  21. No prison could cage his guitar.
  22. Sometimes surrender can be… delicious!
  23. They’ve been gathering more than nuts.
  24. We’ve met our match.
  25. Stop! You’re curing me!

2 responses to “NiceWork Aids and Abets Hollywood

  1. Oh wow. Oh wow.

    I want to play. I’m going to have to think about this one, though. I’ll come back later with some amazing additions to your list.

    All I’ve got so far is “Two mice, two cultures … one very special friendship.”

    But I’m working on it.

  2. Actually, I got the idea from you.

    Once you get started it’s kind of hard to stop. It’s like you’ve awakened some dormant area of the brain’s Broca area better left alone.

    “Asleep in hell for ten thousand years… Naptime is over.”

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