Your Questions about Santa Monica Pier Answered

Dear Santa Monica City Fathers,
Is it true that Santa Monica Pier is really, truly a pier? Really a walkway raised on piles above the Pacific? I thought that the name was only a delightful fancy like “Big Apple.”
Nebraska Nguyen

Pier holders are known as 'piles.'

Dear Nebraska Nguyen,
As you can see in the photo above, Santa Monica Pier is really and truly a pier. Special telephone poles were grown in the Far North and shipped over the mountains and valleys to the edge of the continent where they were inserted into pre-drilled “ocean holes.” This was in, like, 1917 or 1943.

Dear Santa Monica City Fathers,
If Santa Monica Pier is truly a pier then it must be possible to walk about on the upper surface. Is this, in fact, so?
Brash Stone Kelly

Stay dry while enjoying the Pacific Ocean.

Dear Brash Stone Kelly,
As you can see in the photo above, not only is it possible to walk on the upper surface of Santa Monica Pier, but it is also desirable to do so. Each day a large segment of the population of Southern California (SoCal) chooses to walk there. In addition to walking, there are many other physical activities in which “Piergoers” may indulge: sitting, standing, rotating (on the Ferris Wheel), to name but three.

Dear Santa Monica City Fathers,
If I were to visit Santa Monica Pier, with which sort of people could I expect to consort?
Land-O-Lakes Maiden Lookalike

Woman in red on the left chose not to be identified. (She's Angel.)

Dear Land-O-Lakes Maiden Lookalike,
The “Piergoers” are a various lot. We like to call them “a snapshot of America, before and after the Great Catastrophe.” There is Gypsy, seen above advising Maman which Guild will prove most advantageous for Future Boy. There are Hulky and Sulky (no relation) who are to be seen almost daily behaving in the manner that earned them their nicknames. Green Hat sends you his greetings telepathically! Fish-O and his Crewe will ensure your safety for a small fee.

Dear Santa Monica City Fathers,
Is there an enormous concrete sand stamp for me to stamp a map of Santa Monica on the beach?
Shy Bladder

Only those who have undergone a trial of courage and strength are allowed to use this sand stamp.

Dear Shy Bladder,
As you can see in the photo above, there is in fact an enormous concrete sand stamp such as you describe, but it is not available for public sand stamping at this time.

Dear Santa Monica City Fathers,
Does Santa Monica Pier provide facilities for the cleansing of birds? I am very angry. Not about Santa Monica Pier or birds or anything you’ve done. Some other matter entirely. I’m sorry I mentioned it.
Amiable Bladder

One dollar per bird.

Dear Amiable Bladder,
As you can see in the photo above, the beach adjacent to Santa Monica Pier is equipped with bird cleansing stations such as you find at all SoCal public beaches and parks. A voluntary donation is requested for each bird cleansing to defray expenses. Perhaps it is this that makes you angry?
Cordially,
Santa Monica City Fathers.

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