NBC news anchor, John Cameron Swayze, now beyond the cares of this sad world, spent many decades of his distinguished television career demonstrating the indestuctibility of Timex watches. For instance, he would show a hapless Timex wristwatch attached to the outboard motor blades of a speedboat which would then zoom back and forth, returning to the pier so Mr. Swayze could take the offended watch and offer it to the camera with the oft-quoted line, “It takes a licking, but keeps on ticking.” Here we see him turning the Timex over to the unkind ministrations of a brutish figure skater:
I see your raised eyebrows. Perhaps you dismiss such harrowing dramatizations as pure fantasy; as mere snake-oil hucksterism. As miserable lies! Not so.
Ladies and Gentleman, I am here to tell you that if it were not for my reluctance to pry the late Mr. Swayze from the Splendors of Paradise I would wish he were here with us at this moment to see how today’s Timex — though non-ticking — continues to fly the proud flag of lickproofedness. In my haste to wash a dangerously teetering stack of laundry yesterday, I failed to search through every trouser pocket — in one of which I had absentmindely slipped my trusty Timex Expedition™ wristwatch with Indiglo™ backlight. The apparatus endured the full complement of wash and spin cycles and yet… it emerged unscathed, still telling perfect time, still glowing when called upon to glow.
The brave Timex Expedition wristwatch adorns my wrist even as I write its praises, doggedly announcing the hour to any individual who will read its honest face. I thank the Shopping Gods for whispering in my ear to opt for Timex instead of Patek Philippe.