Ask Nice Work

My dear readers, the Nice Work Mailbag is stuffed to overflowing with your questions, comments and gnomic utterances. I read every word — though not in order — and love to hear from you, but time constraints make it impossible to live much beyond the national average life expectancy of 77.1 to 80 years. So I’ve turned over the task of answering your many queries to my good friend and colleague, Dominico Bartelomeno.

Seguirete nella bocca del cannone, i miei camerati!

Dominico Bartelomeno Answers Your Queries

Dear Nice Work,
Are there monkeys in Hawaii? I ask because I am going to Hawaii and I fear monkeys.
Signed,
Poteet Canyon

Dominico vi risponde così:
Scimmie in Hawaii? No, no. Bene, suppongo che forse ci sono animali domestici ed esemplari del giardino zoologico, ma scimmie natali? No, no. Non avete niente temere. Sia a facilità, quella piccola.

Dear Nice Work,
While I was undergoing kidney dialysis last Presidents Day, I saw a terrific movie on the monitor they provide to make the dull hour pass more quickly. I can’t remember anything about the movie except there was a circus performer with no arms who threw knives at his wife with his feet. Can you identify this fine film for me?
J. Tupper

Dominico vi risponde così:
Ah, sì! Avete visto il film, Lo Sconosciuto con Lon Chaney come “Alonzo senza l’armi.” Che cosa è errato con i vostri reni?
Dear Nice Work,
In 1998 I was leaning on the rail of a Staten Island Ferry crossing over to Manhattan. I remember I was eating a hot dog with sauerkraut. My attention was seized by the sight of a beautiful young woman at the bow of the ferry crossing in the other direction. She was wearing a flowing white dress and carried a white parasol. My heart skipped a beat. She never looked my way; never noticed my frantic waving. Since that summer day I don’t suppose a week has gone by that I have not thought of that lovely vision. Can you tell me: who was that lady?
Lovesick in Tompkinsville
Dominico vi risponde così:
Annabella Fiorenzi
Dear Nice Work,
I need to impress my in-laws. Can you tell me a great recipe for BLT’s?
Can’t Boil Water
Dominico vi risponde così:
Eh, bene, è quasi troppo facile. “La B” corrisponde a pancetta affumicata. “La L” corrisponde a lattuga. “La T” corrisponde al pomodoro. Metta questi tre articoli fra le fette di pane. Forse un poco mayonaisse. Siete bei, ma così molto stupido!

Grazie molto, Dominico!

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2 responses to “Ask Nice Work

  1. LOL. Amo molto Domenico.

  2. Dominico risponde così:
    “Domenico?” Chi è questo “Domenico?” Sono oltraggiato! È un imposter! È un ladro de identità!

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