Who has never seethed with envy as the dexterous origami artist wins the accolades of the crowd — and the sighs of the ladies — by nimbly transforming an ordinary square of paper into a wondrous crane or chrysanthemum? What young buck has never cringed inwardly when called on by the hostess to display his paper-folding skill and feels the shaming gaze of a hundred expectant lorgnettes and monocles, knowing that his single origamic accomplishment is the V-wing paper airplane, and even that sorry offering will fail miserably without the necessary paper clip attached to the nose for ballast? I, for one, have never felt anything remotely like that. However, the corporate heart of Nice Work bleeds for those who crave to shine as origamisists, but who simply can’t make those corners meet exactly. And so, to you, the ham-fisted majority, we offer this new, simplified version of origami from U-Can-Doot Crafts: Ezigami.
No need to add to the world-wide rice shortage by using that expensive Japanese-print, hand-made rice paper. Any ordinary Bounty™ paper towel square or Kleenex™ tissue will do for ezigami. Simply scrunch up the sheet — you can soak it in water first if you like — then twist, push, mash, turn, poke, rip and press until you have anything that looks like anything. Behold:
Here is a Doot-Yourself Ezigami Swan. Or, considering that tooth-like projection, perhaps a dragon. No, wait, it’s the Loch Ness Monster! See? The possibilities are as vast, trackless and soul-crushing as the Nefud desert.
Does even this undemanding degree of paper-shaping frustrate you? Try the foolproof Ezigami Snake or Ezigami Golf Ball. Full instructions to follow.