Actual Facts

Did… did you… did you know…?

• Wealthy British entertainer David Bowie, whose birth name was Thomas Major and who grew up in poverty as the son of a coal miner in Newcastle, now owns an island in the Canary Archipelago where he keeps the world’s largest private aviary exclusively dedicated to… canaries!
• Although the longest novel in English, Marienbad My Love, by Texas writer Mark Leach contains over 2.5 million words, it does not include the word “ut.”



• Cats and dogs, widely believed to be “color-blind,” actually can see colors above and below the spectrum visible to humans, which is the reason paranormal emanations sensed only as a galvanic skin response by people are visually detected by their terrified pets.
• Since records started being kept in 1792, the piranha, the most dreaded of the Amazon River’s thirty-five species of man-eating fish, has been gowing in length (average adult) at the rate of one millimeter every ten years!
• Baseball champion George Herman Ruth (1895-1948) — better known as “Babe” Ruth — derived his nickname from his favorite candy bar “Baby Ruth” (a paper sack of which was never far from his hand) — and not the other way around as is popularly believed.
• Actor Fred Gwynn could barely endure the six hour make-up sessions needed to prepare for his part as Herman Munster of the long-running TV sitcom, The Munsters, and so he elected to remain in make-up for the entire five day filming of each episode, returning to his “Fred” face only on weekends!

Monday Movie Review — Klaa tu, Brute?

I was curious to see how renting a movie from iTunes works, so I clicked on the “Rent” button under the poster of The Day the Earth Stood Still, and down tumbled all 90 black and white minutes of that venerable Sci-Fi classic. Renting from iTunes presented no problem. As always, transferring $2.99 from my pocket to Steve Jobs’ was easy as pie.

And now, to get more value out of that $2.99, here follows my review:

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

The story takes place in a time long ago when men on radio-television wore hats while broadcasting.

What happens is, after the unexpected failure of Wendell Wilkie to make One World out of the the warring factions of Earth, the Federation of Planets sends Klaatu (played by Adlai Stevenson) to sort things out. Even though he wears a glittery jumpsuit and speaks in a cultured Space-ish accent, no one on Earth listens to him beyond the demands of politeness.

No, his message of peace is not heeded. Earth’s generals, who like nothing more than what Klaatu terms their “petty squabbles,” continue to squabble pettily. Klaatu is ignored. Worse, he is actively opposed by, of all people, Aunt Bea!

He makes friends with an eerie child (played by Brian Wilson) who steals his diamonds and inexplicably hides a train set underneath his bed.

This gives Klaatu the idea to visit nearby Princeton. There he gets his peaceful message through to the genius Albert Einstein who plays himself in his only major film role.

But it’s too late. Earth won’t listen. Not even to SCIENTISTS! Klaatu is shot by American Army Men because… well, that’s what they do. Klaatu dies in the arms of Patricia Neal. Fortunately he is resuscitated by Gort the Vinyl Robot. Gort becomes wildly indignant at the rough treatment meted out to his beloved spaceman, but Patricia smooths his ruffled feathers. She purrs “Klaatu Barada Nicto” and he simmers down. Oh, he’s still plenty mad, but he’s in control of himself.

The revived Klaatu climbs back into his glittery jumpsuit and from the ramp of his flying saucer, with Gort glowering behind him, he gives Earth a few home truths. Everyone goes back where they came from.

So. How many stars do I give The Day the Earth Stood Still? Let’s see. Exactly one star for every time Gort’s visor opens up and that menacing bead of light flickers and rolls from side to side.

Origami for the Rest of Us

Who has never seethed with envy as the dexterous origami artist wins the accolades of the crowd — and the sighs of the ladies — by nimbly transforming an ordinary square of paper into a wondrous crane or chrysanthemum? What young buck has never cringed inwardly when called on by the hostess to display his paper-folding skill and feels the shaming gaze of a hundred expectant lorgnettes and monocles, knowing that his single origamic accomplishment is the V-wing paper airplane, and even that sorry offering will fail miserably without the necessary paper clip attached to the nose for ballast? I, for one, have never felt anything remotely like that. However, the corporate heart of Nice Work bleeds for those who crave to shine as origamisists, but who simply can’t make those corners meet exactly. And so, to you, the ham-fisted majority, we offer this new, simplified version of origami from U-Can-Doot Crafts: Ezigami.

No need to add to the world-wide rice shortage by using that expensive Japanese-print, hand-made rice paper. Any ordinary Bounty™ paper towel square or Kleenex™ tissue will do for ezigami. Simply scrunch up the sheet — you can soak it in water first if you like — then twist, push, mash, turn, poke, rip and press until you have anything that looks like anything. Behold:

Here is a Doot-Yourself Ezigami Swan. Or, considering that tooth-like projection, perhaps a dragon. No, wait, it’s the Loch Ness Monster! See? The possibilities are as vast, trackless and soul-crushing as the Nefud desert.

Does even this undemanding degree of paper-shaping frustrate you? Try the foolproof Ezigami Snake or Ezigami Golf Ball. Full instructions to follow.

Did You Know…? Florida Edition

We made it back from St. Pete, FLA, in one piece — well, two pieces; there were two of us — looking bronzed and fit. Inspired by our journey to and from the Dangling State we here at Nice Work have assembled a semi-tropical batch of bloggiana for your amusement and improvement. We give you…

DID YOU KNOW…? (FLORIDA EDITION)

• There are almost twice as many tattoo parlors in Florida as there are chiropractic clinics… and twice as many chiropractic clinics as “old-tyme” ice cream parlors!
• St. Petersburg is the Asperger’s Syndrome capital of the United States.
• Although the Florida East Coast Railway was destroyed by the “Labor Day” hurricane of 1935, the submerged rails are still connected, and even now are being used to conduct telephone messages from the Florida mainland to Key West.

• No nature photographer has ever been able to get the Yellow-crowned Night Heron (above) to stand still long enough to obtain a shot in sharp focus! All clear photos of this Sanibel Island denizen are of stuffed or drugged specimens.
• In the entire state of Florida there are over 100 streets named after Jackie Gleason, star of The Honeymooners (a sitcom from television’s “Golden Age”), but there is not one street named after his co-star, Art Carney! (below)
  

• Gainesville is the Akataphasia capital of the United States.
• Port St. Joe is the Clang association capital of the United States.
• Tallahassee is the Fregoli’s syndrome capital of the United States.

Atlas Wiggled

There was an earthquake in southern Illinois which shook the bed I lay upon in the wee hours: 4:37 CST according to the news report. True, the epicenter was 240 miles away, and, also true, it shook things no more than a passing convoy of construction equipment would have. Nonetheless: I plead seismic activity in making this Friday a Blog Free Zone.

Okay, wait, I’ll level with you: No mere 5.2 earthquake could stop me from posting. In actual fact, I simply have too much to do: Must prepare for a flight to St. Petersburg tomorrow. Liz and I are flying down to Florida to check out Shmeckerd College to see if they are worthy of her. Of course, no place or person is, but we are magnanimous in our judgment; our mercy tempers our justice.

They Flash Upon that Inward Eye

The endless, snow-intense winter had all of us Illinoisians longing for April, but now that the early risers among the plant kingdom have begun to disperse their pollen we find ourselves longing for Claritin™. If you look around the neighborhood you won’t see much visual confirmation of the glad burgeoning, but many thousands of pairs of weeping, itching eyes unmistakably proclaim Spring’s arrival in advance of the greenery.

And one of those weeping, itching pairs of orbs belongs to me…

…but it would be churlish to complain, especially now that the Claritin™ is kicking in. My heart, like Wordsworth’s, with pleasure fills, and though I may not unbend so far as to dance with the daffodils, I will certainly not stand in their way while they hop around.

Let’s All Go to the Movie Show

You shouldn’t be surprised by Weather Recidivism in Chicago — relapses, that is, from Springtime Glory back to Winter Shame — but yesterday we were aghast at having to face, in mid-April, 38º pelting rain under leaden, raspberry-blowing skies. No chance of escaping to warmer (if more bug-infested) climes, so we did the next best thing: we escaped to the Movie Show. But what to see? What to plunk down our ten bucks for? No problem: an omen made the choice for us. While viewing film trailers on the Mac we saw this shot of warm, wealthy, warm, vacation-y, warm Biarritz that spoke to our souls:

It’s from the new Audrey Tautou comedy, Priceless. We were immediately sold because the shot so closely resembled a photo Liz snapped in that very spot last year:

So we went. To the movie, I mean. And, yes, it was all the escapism we could ask for: balmy beaches, blue skies, conspicuous consumption, the idle rich, French morality, farcical plot twists, and, above all, Audrey Tautou. The bouyant mood created by the film stayed with us, defying the lowering Chicago clouds all the way home, and right on through the evening. It may even endure through this wretched new day of withering, un-Aprilish weather. If not, we’ll rent Dirty, Rotten Scoundrels.

Cahiers du Cinéma

Our favorite video store here in bucolic Elmhurst was a little, storefront, family-run outfit called… well, what does it matter what it was called? You’re not planning a vacation here, are you? Besides, the store closed a year or two back. Too bad; the selection wasn’t huge but it was enough for our humble entertainment needs, and included all kinds of oddities like The Cup. We mourned the closing, partly because we mourn the closing of all nice family-run businesses, but mostly for the more selfish reason of our having to turn, for our video rentals, to those awful nationwide video chains whose names I will not utter. Why do those chain video stores smell so bad — a mephitic mixture of stale cigarettes, year-old Wendy’s burgers, and delirium tremens sweat? And must the sound of the two competing action flicks on display be turned to disco levels? And the kids who work there! Is Douglas Coupland the Human Resource Manager?

Well, you know where this is going: the same place you went: Netflix. Deep sigh. We resisted it for years; we prefer to keep our spending local, but what can you do? One time I asked at the video chain for Umbrellas of Cherbourg and gave the pierced and sedated kid behind the counter what may have been the only good laugh of his angst-ridden life. When I ordered the same film from Netflix it arrived in the mail two days later. The winner. For now.

But all this grouching is just preamble to the first ever…

Nice Work Movie Review!

Yeah. Yeah. We rented Enchanted. It was exactly what we thought it would be. If you haven’t seen it, it’s exactly what you think it will be.
On a scale of an infinity of stars to zero stars we give Enchanted a small, finite number.